When Facebook Gets Weird

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You meet someone and get to chatting. Maybe it’s a casual encounter during a night out or perhaps you’ve just networked yourself into a new contact. Whatever the case, you exchange the info and find each other on Facebook as a key step towards beginning a social media relationship.

Then a week later you wish you’d never met the person.

If you’ve been on Facebook a while you probably know what I’m talking about. Then again maybe you don’t. Some people guard their accounts like a Hello Kitty diary. (No, I did not have one of those @KristenLambTX! But I would totally rock the Star Fleet uniform  ;-)).

Handouts for Presentation: Before or After?

Image by The Library of Congress via Flickr

I need professional help. I mean, I need help about my profession from you today with a choice I must make for an upcoming speaking engagement. I was pleasantly surprised last week when the dean of my college asked me to give the keynote address at the fall faculty forum this month. It’s a wonderful opportunity and I hope to make my fellow adjunct professors proud because we just don’t get opportunities like this too often.

During the conversation, the dean asked me to provide handouts of my slides for the audience, basically the entire faculty of the college. I explained that I don’t use PowerPoint for this dynamic talk on student engagement. Prezi is my weapon of choice and doesn’t come in the form of slides. So he asked me to whip up something suitable for the occasion. No problemo, I said.

As I began to put the handout together I realized that I would be revealing all my best stuff on paper in advance of my talk. I kind of like the reactions to some of the best points and started to worry that a handout would give too much away. But I committed to getting the thing done so I set about the business of crafting a notes supplement.

Then I realized I didn’t know what to do so I visited the Google.

Tatted Up

As I rejoin your lives already in progress today I hope that you are well and have thoroughly kicked this Monday right in its pointy teeth. Imma keep the updates real quick for yous. Go.

1. I just returned from another writer’s conference and music festival. Both went very well except…

2. Major problems with the audio on some sweet interviews I did with a couple bands and one top notch organization.

The name of that organization is Project AK-47 and I hope to bring you more on them soon if I can find a friend with a Mac and Final Cut Pro to tell me what can be done to salvage my vids. In the meantime, let me tell you how that charity led me to be tattooed by a five year old girl.

Life In Balance

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When I was a kid my mom found a balance beam that my oldest sister could use to practice gymnastic type things. I don’t know how long that thing sat in our front yard, but I remember it being wooden, blue, about one foot off the ground, and maybe ten feet long.

As little brothers do, I would watch my sisters and their friends go back and forth across the thing. I’m sure every time I wanted to try they would tell me to wait my turn and send me back to the porch steps where I’d sit in a harrumph, elbows on knees, chin on fists. Then they’d eventually saunter off to walk around the neighborhood and act like they didn’t notice the boys they had gone looking for.

That was my chance.

I don’t know what girls think when they walk across a balance beam but it probably has something to do self-awareness and perfection. Little boys, or at least me, pretend that once you get on the balance beam the ground turns into lava and if you misstep you’ll fall into a hot, melty death. Even a toe tap could dissolve one or two toes. For the record, living room carpets and sidewalk cracks were also known to double as fiery graves. Hey, you gotta do something to make commercials and shopping trips bearable.

So there I was, attempting to walk across that blue beam in my L.A. Gear hightops, careful to also avoid any incoming sniper fire from the neighbor’s roof. Most everyone can relate to that feeling of trying to walk on that kind of obstacle, maybe even a street curb, and the feeling of starting to wobble as you lose balance. I used to react in a few different ways when I started to lose it.

Cosmo Headlines: A Critical Analysis

Today’s guest poster Tyler Tarver is many things. Husband, father, hip dresser, fellow teacher, comedienne, and 2 time Firestone Flamer of the Year. But those titles don’t really sum up the impact of all the cool ways his name can be rearranged. I’m talking phrases like travel retry, very rattler, and try rat lever. The amazing thing though is that Tyler is apparently my long lost brother. We might even be the same person, but I’m not even as depressed about that as you might think. Oh yeah, Tyler’s also an author now and you can find the details on his book at the bottom of this post.

So here he is, the one and only human from Arkansas with whom I’ve ever discussed Nintendo. If you’ve never read Tyler before you should probably just start that email to your shrink now cuz it’s about to get real like fiction up in here.

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When Clay said he wanted me to write about Cosmo Headlines: A Critical Analysis, I knew he was joking. But as I so often do in my lifetime, I take it and do it anyways.

Image has clearly not been altered to protect career of upstanding teacher

Clay wouldn’t know cause he’s a  college teacher and can cuss at a pregnant mother standing on a ledge, but as a high school teacher my job is more flammable than an M-80 at a Texaco Station (I can get fired easily). So I’m gonna navigate these scandalous headlines like Jacques Cousteau in an inflatable raft during Shark Week.

Here we go. I’m gonna bring it around the horn from top left going clockwise. Here are what these articles are about.

His 6 Secret Sex Spots

This one is easy, the key word is the S-word…Secret. People love secrets. The top 6 Places people like to hide secrets:

1. Lock Boxes
2. The Bank
3. Hogwarts
4. Whispers
5. Underground
6. In the ears of seemingly trustworthy people

What Men Crave in July

Why do I need to pay $5.78 an issue ($1.23 if you get a year subscription) for stuff I already know. I feel like I should stop reading these things cover to cover cause people will laugh at me cause I’ll be too smart.

What men crave in July? Strawberry Popcicles. That’s a no-Brainer like Lisa Turtle.

Rihanna

Everyone knows what this is. It’s a cuss word in Spanish. It’s the only one I know. It is roughly translated into English as, “every song on FM radio.”

Geography Assault, Mountie Style

In honor honour of finally completing my summer teaching schedule I’ve given my last teaching gasp to good friend and fellow blogger Leanne, a.k.a. Ironic Mom. Special day my friends to finally end up there.

You may think I’ve written for the famed Canuck before but alas this guest post marks my debut north of the digital border where even the microchips have accents. You can hop over and enjoy 16 Reasons to Love or Leave Canada. While you’re there go ahead and check out some of the hilarious and brilliant work Leanne does. Then leave a warm comment for her because they need all the heat they can get by the time winter rolls around.

A typical prairie neighborhood during Canadian winter.

A Happy Announcement

Image by secretagent007 via Flickr

Many of you know that I’ve been hitting it hard on the writing side of things. In addition to this site I’ve also been getting after some freelance opportunities. Most of all, I’ve been developing a book idea that first hit me in the brain (a fitting metaphor as you’ll see in a moment) last summer.

I’ve also gone to my first two writer’s conferences this year. In June I spent a week at Wheaton College for 5 days of sessions, networking, and the best food I’ve ever had in what is technically called a cafeteria. Gourmet I say! During that week I met a lot of editors, agents, and authors and was excited by the interest they showed in my work.

If you have no idea what a writer’s conference is like, take a look at how I compared the process to hitting on strangers. Enough happened during that week to write a chapter about, but basically I came home knowing people wanted to see my work. I set out about the task of writing a book proposal and some sample chapters in between more travel and a full summer teaching load.

So far, the work has paid off.

That’s why I’m super excited to tell you that I now have an agent! Her name is Amanda Luedeke and she’s with MacGregor Literary. In my opinion, Amanda and MacGregor are the best fit for the type of stuff I do which, as many of you know, can include some weirdification. To celebrate our phone call, I hopped in my car and went to Barnes & Noble where I bought my favorite drink (caramel frappucino) and allowed myself to stare at the shelf where my own book might one day be. M-O-O, M-O-P, M-O-R… Then I drove home and wrote until 2 a.m.

Teen Madness!

What a week. Thanks to everyone who checked out my Freshly Pressed post on the worst dressed cities in America. That pleasant surprise hit less than an hour after my guest post showed up at Kristen Lamb’s site.

In the midst of all the writing activity I spoke for three days at a great youth event called Teen Madness. What an amazing experience that was capped off when a couple of sneaky peeps got me good by dumping an entire 5 gallon cooler of pink lemonade on me! Now I know how those coaches feel. So cold. I repaid one of the culprits with a big, wet bear hug.

You can’t help but experience raw joy during the closing spectacle called Muckfest. Here’s a short roundup video complete with some snapshots as well as the hilarious clip my friends made to introduce me each night.

Have you ever done anything like a Muckfest?

Bringing The Pain

Exciting times my friends. Not only am I on the verge of a mega announcement, but today I have the honor of appearing over at the site of Kristen Lamb, leader of the WANA pack and Jedi for life. Well, I’m not actually appearing on the internet but something I wrote is.

When Kristen graciously asked me to write something for her place I told myself that whatever I came up with had to be good. Really good. Then I froze up because you should never really put the wrong kind of pressure on yourself. Like Tony Dungy always says, we just need to do what we do. So that’s just what I did.

An idea popped into my brain, a connection between a book I once wrote and a hand I once broke. I’ve never written this story until now, so I hope you’ll hop over to check out The Pain of Resetting. I would love to see your comments over on Kristen’s site.

And for those of you possibly connecting the dots from my last post about Men That Cry and today’s story at Kristen’s, the answer is no. I didn’t cry 🙂

Men That Cry

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I’m going to bring up a subject that isn’t comfortable for many men–Crying.

I hope I’m a strong person, but I’ve never been a manly man. Never even came close to being mistaken for one. I don’t care about cars, shoot guns on weekends, or have back hair. I don’t chew tobacco, shoot whiskey, or fight for fun. I’ve never even owned a belt buckle.

At the same time, I’m not weepy. Just as some men are seemingly born without tear ducts others seem to have a leaky faucet above their cheeks and will sob over just about anything from a little criticism to a beautiful bride in some movie. So, I’m really not an emotional guy, but I am pretty passionate about certain things.

I got curious enough about the phenomenon of crying men to do a little research. Am I an average crier? Should I cry more? And where do you or the men in your life rank in the secret world of guys and tears?

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Tears are weird. You’d think I would’ve shed some during the multiple occasions I’ve held people as they died/were dying. Nope. Then I’m watching a video* by a (usually) heavy band called Avenged Sevenfold a few weeks back and my eyes well up. Well, the video is about Jimmy “The Rev” Sullivan who died suddenly at the age of 27. For me, watching his friends remember him as home movies played was touching.

The 40 Worst Dressed Cities In America?

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My hometown of Pittsburgh is the third worst dressed city in America according to the new write up from GQ about the 40 Worst Dressed Cities In America. According to the short article:

“The citizens of Pittsburgh…indulge a style that could be referred to as “Game Day Casual” (or “Meth Lab Formal,” depending on your preference.) It stems from their love of a certain NFL franchise and an utter indifference to their personal appearance and what you think of them.”

I personally prefer thrift store chic.

The piece concludes with:

“…there is no city on Earth that can equal the utter sloppiness of Pittsburgh.”

When I asked a random Pittsburgher what he thought about being called one of the sloppiest urban humans in the country he had this to say: “At least we beat Cleveland again right?”

The clowns at the magazine know what they’re doing. They pretty much picked a city from every state in America except for places that will literally never buy one copy of GQ. You know, places like Montana.

Harry Potter Remake

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Time to talk about how they’re gonna remake the Harry Potter movies. Details are hushed on whether it will be a prequel about Harry’s parents before the boy wizard was born or if they’re just going to remake Harry Potter and the Sorceror’s Stone.

In case you think you’ve missed some major breaking news, I guess I should say that no announcements have been made outside of my imagination, but everybody knows it’s going to happen.

According to SkyMoviesHD, franchise star Daniel Radcliffe told Empire Magazine:

“I will be sad to finish the series, but I will feel a great sense of achievement when I finish the film ’cause it will be the longest shoot I will probably ever do in my career. And hopefully we’ll all stay in touch. We’ll probably all play teachers in the remakes in 30 years.”

Talk about financial security. How sweet is that? Radcliffe’s already got enough money to buy Prince William’s kidneys, but even if he somehow blows all that cash over the next three decades he can still just take a role as an aging professor in the revamped Potter series.

But why wait 30 years? They’re already talking about messing with some of my beloved 90s movies, and the first Harry Potter film was made way back in 2001. That’s a decade ago! With attention spans shorter than ever these days, most teenagers will soon forget they ever saw a movie about a young boy with magical powers that wasn’t called The Wizard.

Is it a Calling or Career?

I almost always ignore those ads on the Facebook sidebar, but this one got my attention.

Is it just me or does that ad make you think:

“Hey! People are suffering with addictions so act now to see how you can benefit from their misfortune!”

The asterisk next to the salary figure made me curious so I clicked and discovered ExploreU on Facebook. It’s some shady app to get people signed up for colleges. (I’ll try to not get distracted by the predatory recruiting practices of colleges here). With loads of exclamation points, the above ad is basically saying you can get a psychology degree. You also might be done in a year (double asterisks). And you could help people and make $48K-$82K a year (lots more asterisks). Those figures are based on salaries of industry professionals who I’m guessing didn’t sign up for one year of college through Facebook.

When I Was a Kid…

I recently took the  boys for an old walk down memory lane at the old eduClaytion homestead. We had a blast tromping down the same trail (and sidestepping the same poison ivy) I used to walk as a kid. Then we hit the railroad tracks where I remembered some things I hadn’t thought of in over 20 years.

What surprised me most though was the absence of all the old paths the neighborhood kids used to frequent on foot or bike. I couldn’t find any trace of all those dirt paths or the humongous vines we used to swing on. We used to have massive clearings where hideouts were fashioned from stray wood, logs, and whatever bedding we could pilfer from mom’s linen closet. After an hour of dead ends I realized that kids really aren’t out exploring anymore.

I doubt I would’ve had the same childhood if we had phones and the internet the way everyone does now. I love that stuff and probably would have spent many summer days inside rather than playing thousands of hours of whiffle ball or riding bikes from morning until night. That’s just part of the reality of Generation X. We were the last group that got to grow up through adolescence sans amazing technology.

Well, we had a blast pilfering the railroad and plan a return visit in the near future. Take some time this summer to visit some ghosts at one of your old haunts. Introduce a new generation to the simple thrill of skipping stones and carving legacies into trees. We all need that again from time to time.

What do you remember about exploring as a kid?

The Life & Times of Gen X is a weekly feature about life and pop culture during the 70s, 80s, and early 90s.

Good Teacher Quotes

I had the honor of being interviewed along with fabulous mother-writer-teacher Leanne Shirtliffe over at Ellie Ann Soderstrom’s site. How I get to hang out with two lovely ladies like that is beyond me, but I hope you’ll hop over to check out the wisdom we hath wrought.

The one and only Ellie Ann

Okay, so they provided the wisdom; I just cracked jokes mostly 🙂

Ellie wanted me to dish on my day job, so the interview questions reveal the secrets of teaching. Or at least what objects I like to throw at students. Go ahead and check out the Good Teacher Interview and drop some thoughts in the comment section over there.

If you’re a Twitterite be sure to follow Ellie and Leanne.

Back into the writing cave I go. Making progress and very thankful to whichever one of you has been sliding those peanut butter and jelly sandwiches under the door* every few hours. I will emerge this Sunday with a full beard** and 40-50 pages in hand.

*Apparently my cave has a door.

**That’s a lie. I am incapable of this.