How to Survive A Riot and Rock the G20 Summit

The day felt ominous as I drove into town to see firsthand what this international summit would do to my hometown. I had never driven past the neighborhoods of my life and parked at my college knowing that in a few minutes I would be surrounded by the most powerful leaders of the world and thousands of protesters, some armed with pooh bombs and water guns filled with urine, poised for confrontation. I hoped my investigative journey would be excrement free. As I discovered, things could get so much worse.

I arrived a loner, critical of both protestors and leaders. I wasn’t after any kind of useful message, only an interesting experience. I was going to get an early start to my day but then realized most of the protesters probably wouldn’t be awake before noon. Just kidding radical friends of mine. I figured things would heat up closer to the president’s arrival, so I parked my car and began hoofing it into town as Obama exited his plane at Pittsburgh International.

I decided to operate under an alias, KB4. The name sounded subversive and radical enough; although the initials stood for Kenjamin Bradford IV, epitome of the privileged establishment.

Flashing, emergency lights and militaristic personnel greeted me at every turn. Camouflage Humvees were parked where roadside vendors normally set up shop. An eerie silence filled the whole town, but swells of the storm beyond rose in shouts every few minutes. The warnings I’d heard the day before crept in. Things could get serious for anyone in the wrong place at the wrong time. I took a breath and moved for the commotion. This is it, I thought, into the belly of the beast.

Summit Madness

We are off and rolling here in Pittsburgh, The City of Champions and unlikely host to the international conference that is your G-20 Summit.  Well, get in the fast lane grandma cause the bingo game is ready to roll, and the real story of this event has begun to unfold.  We’re talking about the protestors, those crazy cats so popular among the young and rebellious, so annoying to everyone else with jobs.   

Some environmentalists got things started today.  A few members of Green Peace decided to unfurl a massive sign over the side of the West End Bridge.  Four of the Greenies then repelled to the base of the sign to hang out for a while, grab a lot of early attention, and generally warn us all that nature is doomed and we’re the doomers.  Hey don’t blame me GP, I sometimes prefer paper over plastic after driving my SUV to a food conglomerate retail center to buy chemically enhanced meat.

Something tells me we’re just getting started.  Many world leaders are arriving as I type, streets are being shut down, and college campuses and office buildings are being taken over as staging grounds for the heaviest presence of law enforcement this town has ever seen.  And wait until Joan Jett and the Black Hearts play an outdoor concert tonight. 

Rumor has it that other cities turned down the “opportunity” to host this event.  I can’t imagine Obama offered the Summit to anyone before giving Chicago a chance.  I guess other major metropolis types didn’t want the headache.  This town just doesn’t know any better.  Now the eyes of the world are upon us.  Pittsburghers are a nutty bunch, but they may have met their match.

We have a beautiful city here, the only one ever named most livable twice.  International reporters already in town have commended their hosts  and the beauty of the city.  That last one may be a little unexpected, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a better entrance into a major American city than the panorama unfolding as you emerge from the Fort Pitt Tunnels.

Speaking of those tunnels, police foiled another protestor plot down there a little while ago.  From the looks of things, these folks were gunnin’ to make something happen on that mountain.  Maybe they wanted to emerge ala Moses, a righteous leader descending into a land of sinners, a spectacle of lust and greed that is corporate capitalism and modern politics.

Villains of this ilk hide behind their sparkling facades adorned with logos of the damned, names like GAP and APPLE.  Don’t believe me?  Hop on over to Shadyside, a ritzy little town as “enlightened” as it gets, a cozy spot where you can sip $6 lattes while sporting the latest in eyewear frames.  Along the posh streets of Shadyside, business owners are directing contractors in last minute preparations for the aggression that is to come.  Apparently there is a list, a target sheet if you will, of those major conglomerates so happy to destroy the earth while defecating on the poor.

Replacing The Democrat’s Mascot

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The democrats current icon.

Andrew Jackson had plenty of enemies by the time he became president in 1828.  The Age of Jackson is also the age in which politics started to get Nasty.  His opponents even called him a “jackass.”  Jackson liked it so much he adopted it as his party’s logo. 

We live in a new age now where nasty politics is simply what we do for breakfast.  Thanks to Kanye West, we know that imbecilic, egomaniacal buffoonery is what we do for a nightcap. 

President Obama may have thought the recorders weren’t rolling a few days ago when he rightly slammed the hip hop fool, but as Richard Nixon once learned there is no such thing as “off the record” for the POTUS.

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According to Obama, the new “jackass” in town.

Bringing Home The Reality Of War

One of my fonder childhood memories took place one summer in the late 80s when my sister and I (code name Bill and Lance) fought as Contras somewhere in South America.  With acrobatic somersault moves, flamethrowers, and even the occasional spread gun, we managed to liberate Nicaraguans and the human race from alien forces that were threatening to take over the world.  Your welcome.

I’m thinking about that old Nintendo game Contra because of a new controversy surrounding the combo of virtual game play and war.  Can a video game get too close to reality?  Should there be limits? 

Imagine losing someone you love in Iraq.  Now imagine kids playing a video game featuring the same sights and sounds of that battleground with characters fighting and dying in ways modeled after real life.  You might feel that war is not a game and should not be trivialized.  You might be enraged, especially of the thought that someone could profit handsomely from the endeavor.

On the flip side of the debate you have the game creator who insists his goal is to pay tribute to American heroes.  Soldiers and commanders from the actual conflict are advising game creators  and appearing in live interviews to explain what took place.  Sure there’s money to be made but also a $20 million dollar investment.  For what?  Only the redefinition of historical documentary as we know it.  Someone interested in the subject can not only learn from participants but actually enter the world being described, literally “occupy the actual space” as one expert put it. 

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Screenshots from Atomic’s Fallujah game.

So are we talking about a shameless enterprise to capitalize financially at the expense of grief-stricken mourners or is this the ultimate tribute, one of the most powerful ever paid to America’s fighting heroes?

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Video game designer Peter Tamte dreams of creating a first person shooter game set during the Battle of Fallujah which took place in Iraq in 2004.  Four years into the project, everything began to fall apart for Tamte.  As Newsweek writer Dan Ephron wrote in his stellar June article “The Battle Over the Battle Of Fallujah:”

“…[N]ow relatives of dead Marines were angry, and the game’s distributor and partial underwriter had pulled out…”

That distributor was Konami, the same company that produced Contra back in the day.  Konami decided to back off after public backlash through phone calls and emails. 

Parents of soldiers killed in action have shared varying feelings, outrage as well as confusion.  Ephron wrote of Tracy Miller who lost her son, Cpl. Nicholas Ziolkowski, in Iraq last November.  Miller believes that despite the game maker’s genuine desire to pay tribute and not offend, the release of such a product will inevitably face opposition.  According to Ephron, Miller fears that recreating Fallujah will “further desensitize youngsters to the horrors of war” and perhaps even provide insurgents with sensitive operational procedures.  That last point brings up a different debate about the potential role of the government or military in the creation of such a game.  Talk of censorship has already been thrown out by internet commentators, but maybe the security risks are real. 

The first realistic war game came out for Playstation a decade ago when Steven Spielberg and Dreamworks got behind a World War II first-person project called Medal of Honor.  That franchise and subsequent spinoffs have created intense realities that transform spectators into participants using actual declassified information at times.  The big difference of course is that there are no threatening nazis around anymore to tip off.

Another powerful point of protest comes in the possibility of seeing the death of loved ones played out through the game.  In video games, you get a second chance.  Imagine how excruciating it might be to see how a slight change in circumstances could have altered everything.  In fake life, the story being told changes with decisions and actions of the person holding the controller.

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The most influential support for the project comes from combat veterans of Iraq.  Several participants in the Fallujah fighting, code-named Operation Phantom Fury, hope their personal experience will help shape the type of game they themselves want to play.  Soldiers often use simulators to train and sometimes just enjoy playing video games.  

Much of this generation of fighters grew up playing Contra or Medal of Honor.  Gaming technology is in their blood; it’s another way to do what soldiers and most humans long to do: tell their story.  

Should Dead People Have Sex?

Those Nutty Germans Are At It Again.  Take a peek at this little chestnut fresh off the wire. 

“Anatomists in Germany plan a show dedicated solely to dead bodies having sex as part of the Body World’s exhibitions.”

Listen, I just report this stuff.  Politicians in Germany are being critical using words like “revolting” to describe the exhibit of chemically manipulated corpses being posed for, well, you know.

Sounds like a Perry Mason novel.  The Case of the Copulating Cadavers.

This Berlin controversy isn’t the first of its kind in recent years.  An exhibit called Bodies continues to make the rounds from Asia to America.  Outrage erupts wherever the exhibit goes.  Protests focus on the macabre nature of dead humans as well as reports that the corpses were illegally obtained from Chinese prisons.

Angelina Whalley, director of the Body Worlds exhibit and certifiable sicko to 88.73% of most everybody, claims to be attempting to counter the media’s portrayal of sex as something indecent.  What media is she watching?  Yeah, that’s a real problem, how the media and culture are so down on sex and indecency. 

How Should We Remember 9/11?

“You ever have that feeling where you’re not sure if you’re awake or still dreaming?”

Neo–The Matrix

It happened eight years ago today and just about every reporter and web scribbler had a sentimental anniversary piece ready to go to commemorate the day our whole world changed.

I’m not going to recount the details of what took place. I’m not going to remind you how evil exists in this world or even how heroism emerges in the face of that darkness. I’m not here to pay tribute to the American spirit, and I certainly won’t offer up hollow platitudes. I’m not going political either. I won’t reexamine the Bush legacy in this the first anniversary of 9/11 under a new Commander-In-Chief. I’m not going to attempt to get you angry or sad or sentimental, and I won’t even tell you to hold your kids a little tighter tonight.

I’m not going to tell you that we need to remember. In my world, as a historian who gets paid to remember for a living, that’s a given. I will ask how should we remember?

A Slate.Com article by Jack Shafer two days ago preempted the anniversary coverage we knew we’d all see  and hear today. Shafer took a pessimistic slant against this sort of coverage. He’s correct that many of these pieces are put together lazily and quickly as easy ratings grabbers. His article is what it is, but the fundamental question in the end becomes how much reminding do we need?

I believe the answer to that question is a matter of perspective. Those who lost loved ones in the attacks live with the memory of what happened every day. Many people, including young adults now in college, have virtually no recollection of the day.

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Stripped down, history is a combination of memory and recollection. Sometimes our memories fail. Sometimes we don’t want to remember the truth. Sometimes we lie because, after all, the heart is deceitfully wicked. We’re real good at coming up with better versions of our lives for folks who don’t know any better. We tell different versions of the same event than others who were there. We manipulate the facts and do what we can to put ourselves in the best light. All this before we get to the part where our personal beliefs shade our vision and our political leanings tempt integrity.

I know these things about human nature as I watch months and years melt from calendars and the anniversary number of my lifetime’s defining event climb towards double digits. I know that the myth often trumps reality, yet how does that apply to what took place in 2001?

Images and sounds replayed over and over don’t lie. No one can deny an event so well documented. That’s why General Dwight Eisenhower ordered available troops to tour Hitler’s concentration camps. One day, he said, people will claim that this (the Holocaust) never happened. In his time, he understood human nature.  He was right.

Just like the December attack on Pearl Harbor in 1941, Americans are in no hurry to forget what happened in New York, Pennsylvania, and Washington D.C. See, we all look at the same event but with so many different interpretations. That’s why I say it’s a matter of perspective. One person says “that’s terrible,” another says “that’s crazy,” and still another says “my husband was in that building.” Some said we were doomed, others said we would prevail, and still more said America deserved it. Just a few days ago, someone on this blog posted a reply to an article written in May that maybe we deserve another similar attack!

What Everybody Ought To Know About Albert Pujols

Today is the opening day of the NFL season.  Many football fans view the event as a national holiday.  Many fans of the Pittsburgh Steelers view it as a religious holiday.  I love football as much as hockey, so why am I thinking about baseball?

I’ve been thinking about greatness, what it means to be great.  So often we apply such a label to athletes based on their near superhuman abilities.  Of course, you can’t take sports records with you, so the true measure of greatness must at some level come down to relationships and how you are able to impact others.

Athletes these days make 90% of their headlines for being screwups, jerks, or worse.  The good ones don’t publicize their charitable efforts.  When they do, ESPN and friends really don’t care as much about Ladanian Tomlinson feeding hungry Californians by the truckload as much as they care about the next Terrell Owens fiasco or Shawn Merriman allegedly choking Tila Tequila or Oregon running back LaGerrette Blount sucker punching some taunting fool after the game.  And that’s just the past few days!

OJ Simpson used to be considered great.  Now he’s that psycho-murderer who got away with it but still managed to destroy the life he had left.   It seems we have no problem erasing one’s athletic legacy if their off the field life goes awry.  We need to let the good off the field stuff outshine physical achievements the same way.

One of the interesting things about fans is how we root, root, root for the home team.  Sociologists love studying sports.  Fans are ambivalent, lovers of their heroes one minute yet haters of those bums the next.  Fans live vicariously through their team.  Try this quick psychological experiment the next time you hear someone talking about their team.  If the team won, they often say “we won,” as if they were part of the effort.  If their team lost, listen to how often the same fan will say “they lost.”  We like to associate ourselves with winners, with victory, with greatness.

Marvel Vs. Disney

Disney got bored last weekend and had $4 billion dollars sitting around, so the mammoth company bought Marvel.  The move is sure to shake up the international entertainment industry for years to come.  DC Comics maintains a healthy level of irrelevance and simply pointed to a Dark Knight movie poster when asked for comment.

Disney artists and developers suddenly find themselves with 5,000 new characters to play with.  Get your creativity hats on because the crossover possibilities are swirling.  Marvel holds onto a healthy level of autonomy, but their shareholders will be cashing in.  The price tag isn’t as hefty as some might expect.  This year’s Ice Age film made $600 million outside of the U.S. alone.  Nevertheless, I don’t care about business ramifications.

This story’s mostly interesting for all the fun mashups floating around the internet.  Since it’s a holiday weekend I’m gonna go ahead and let random strangers be witty for me. 

Super Punch has a ton of these artistic interpretations over at his blog.  You’ll also get a kick out of The Little Amazing Spiderman by Jeremy Bernstein. 

Maybe we’ve just been jaded for too long.  After Joe Pesci made the jump from Goodfellas to Home Alone, everything else was just child’s play.

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America’s Political Disenchantment

You ever watch a movie or read something that came out years ago?  Then you really want to talk about it but nobody knows what you’re talking about?  That’s what blogs are for.  So we can feel like people care what we’re saying.

I got a hold of a book from 1992 called Hail To The Candidate.  I almost skipped the foreward.  I’m glad I didn’t because those three short pages contain some of the best insight into our national thinking that I’ve ever read.

The author of this little piece that did a big number on me is Mr. Roger Kennedy who at the time served as Director of the National Museum of American History at the Smithsonian Institution in Washington D.C. 

I’m going to get out of the way and reprint a few passages from these marvelous thoughts.  Keep in mind he wrote this in 1992.  His projections are saavy.  Enjoy.

“There was a time when Americans enjoyed governing themselves.  They didn’t complain about self-government.  They celebrated politics, and themselves in it and because of it…

God Bless The Onion

Here’s the latest NEWS IN PHOTOS feature from the beloved Onion.

‘Kennedy Curse’ Claims Life Of 77-Year-Old Tumor-Riddled Binge-Drinker

08.26.09 | Issue 45•35

Read This If America Confuses You (Especially If You’re A Chunky Criminal Who Dislikes Government)

How’s your diet plan going?  Imagine if the government were willing to pay you to get into better shape.  Nancy Gibbs puts out some interesting ideas in a recent essay for Time magazine called “The Bribery Agenda.” 

Since Cash for Clunkers was so over the top popular with so many Americans willing to trade in cars (that still ran fine) for government funds, Gibbs contends that Washington D.C. may have just figured out how to get people motivated.  Newsflash: give them free money.

Before I get to the part where I disagree with Ms. Gibbs, check out these gems she throws down in pointing to the ludicrous possibilities looming on the American horizon.  With plans already in the works such as Dollars for Dishwashers and a law to reward people for voting, what else might the government think of?  Consider a couple of her ideas.

• Cash for Chunkers: “We get to trade in that extra 20 pounds for a coupon good at the local farm stand.”
• Roads and bridges: “Why bother allocating $27 billion in stimulus money when we could pay people to reroute or, better yet, stay home?
• Criminals: “California plans on releasing at least 37,000 inmates to ease prison overcrowding and save $1 billion.  It costs $27,000 a year to keep someone in jail.  It would be much more efficient to pay thieves not to steal in the first place. [emphasis mine and WARNING: The rest of this article is super good.  You may not be able to handle all the knowledge bombs, so watch your step.]

You May Never Work On Fridays Again

Here’s an interesting news item that may actually change your life.  Last year Utah mandated that state employees would no longer work on Fridays.  Instead, these workers would put in ten hours for four days.  The Beehive State, also known as a Mormon wonderland, decided to restructure life in order to save money.  Don’t look now, but the plan has been a revelation. 

Lots of other cities in America and around the world have taken notice and are starting to ask questions.  On top of that, the private sector is also starting to make the change.  General Motors has already instituted the 4-10 plan at several factories.  Could you handle a three day weekend every time?  Your state or company may be making the change.

Time magazine’s Bryan Walsh breaks down this story in an article titled “Thank God It’s Thursday.”  Walsh does a lot of writing about the environment and goes green more than Miss Piggy.  The obvious benefits of this movement are lower energy costs and less traffic.  After twelve months, employees have saved an estimated $6 million in gas.  Most workers say the like the new schedule. 

The Terminator’s Garage Sale

If you’re unfamiliar with how Arnold Schwarzenegger, A.K.A. The Terminator, became the Governator you have to go back to 2003.  During that tumultuous year in the state’s history, then Governor Gray Davis faced growing opposition in the early months of his second term.  The voters decided they’d had enough of Davis.  He was totally recalled and the star of Twins not named Danny DeVito moved in.

Maybe Gray Davis should have had a garage sale.  That’s one way the current administration is addressing the economic needs of The Golden State. 

Lots of folks head to the attic or garage for stuff to sell when they need to scrape up some cash.  Schwarzenegger decided to get behind the sale of loads of confiscated items collecting dust in a Sacramento warehouse.  As the two day sale began yesterday, bargain-hunters snatched up watches, clothes, cars, collectibles, computers and more.  Granted many of these items once belonged to criminals but on the flip side bad guys often have good taste.

Schwarzenegger is getting behind this sale in a way Gray Davis, or most governors, never could.  “Ahnuld” even autographed 15 car visors and 4 patrol motorcycles to up the value at auction.  The goal is ambitious.  With hundreds of state-owned vehicles, thousands of furniture items, electronics, and more event planners hope to raise hundreds of thousands.  Not bad pocket change for a little spring cleaning.

“Welcome to our garage sale,” the Kindergarten Cop told reporters as he stroked his pet ferret and denied suggestions that perhaps his headache was a tumor.  Maybe for the next sale he can dress up as Conan the Barbarian and slash, slash, slash those prices!

Man Vs. Bear Grylls: Move Over Chuck Norris

Men of the world take notice: The bar has been raised.  You will never be better than second best.  EduClaytion’s Man of the Decade is officially Bear Grylls.  This guy might just challenge Billy Guerin as President of Awesomeness.  Perhaps you’ve never heard of Mr. Grylls.  Time to get acquainted. 

This guy makes Chuck Norris look like Betty Crocker.  Hey, I like Chuck Norris, but let’s see him bite the head off a live water snake for lunch before tackling a six foot alligator, “dispatching it humanely,” and lugging it through the swamp to make dinner.  By the way, you can use the gator’s leathery skin in thin strips as cord for preparing a jungle bed.  My schedule’s been tight and I have a hangnail, so I haven’t tried this yet but will report on how well it works at a later date.

For the uninitiated, Bear appears on the show of his creation, Man vs. Wild, on the Discovery Channel.  I’ve always been intrigued by nature shows but not to the point of fascination.  The Crocodile Hunter was okay, but Bear Grylls makes Steve Irwin look like H.R. Puff n Stuff.  Make it a point to watch Man vs. Wild one time.  I dare you not to be amazed.

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Grylls picked up many of his survival skills in the British Special Forces.  While serving in the Special Air Service he broke his back during in a parachute accident.  The injury healed and in 1998, at age 23, Grylls became the youngest British climber to go up and down a little hill known as Mount Everest.  The lifelong explorer spent the next decade accomplishing feats no one had ever attempted.

Over a billion viewers in 150 different countries have been hooked by the incredible communication skills of the 35 year old speaker/writer/TV host.  He’s raised millions of dollars for a variety of charities as well.  Imagine the softer side of Rambo with a sense of humor. 

Grylls’ escapades often come at a cost.  He recently recovered from a broken shoulder suffered in Antarctica.  Earlier this summer, he severed part of a finger in Vietnam while chopping bamboo. 

Bear isn’t the only tough member of the Grylls family.  His wife Shara just gave birth to their third child (all boys).  She didn’t bother with a hospital but gave birth at home.  Oh yeah, she didn’t take pain killers either. 

Who’s More Interesting: Michael Vick or Ron Paul?

It’s been a long, hot summer but autumn is coming, the season of my blogging muse when students fill my hallways and debate is always around the next corner.  Welcome back to the halls of EduClaytion.

Today’s debate had me pondering which newsworthy figure to chronicle, Michael Vick or Ron Paul.  I’ve decided to go with both in a new segment we’ll call “Who’s More Interesting.”  This semi-regular feature is sure to be a huge hit by which I mean probably not.  Nevertheless, let’s check out what’s gotten these two fellows on the page.

MICHAEL VICK

The Michael Vick thing was so beat to death that most of us barely budged when news broke that the Philadelphia Eagles had signed the ex-con and current target of the most fake, self-righteous, overblown hatred in America.  Yes, what the former Falcon’s quarterback did with dogs in an illegal gambling ring was despicable.  Yes, he got in trouble and paid heavily including a long stint in jail.  No, he is not to be executed anytime soon nor is he the anti-christ as far as I can tell.  (Although don’t be surprised if the AC emerges from Philly.  Or Baltimore.) 

So what’s got Vick back in the news today?  Something he had nothing to do with. 

Apparently you can buy officially NFL licensed jerseys on the league’s website.  These pooch shirts can be personalized with the name of a football star.  You see where this is going right?  So God forbid the NFL allow such a thing.  Didn’t they get the memo that only murderers and drug dealers are supposed to get second chances with few or no questions asked?  Michael Vick shouldn’t get a second chance, and his name certainly shouldn’t be on an animal jersey.

Hmm…  Am I missing something? 

First of all, if you oppose violence against dogs then why would you put a shirt on them?  That’s the quickest way to get them jumped by canine thugs at the dog park.  Secondly, are these same people condemning the other criminals of the NFL.  Hey, Ray Lewis helped kill a human and I see people putting those jerseys on their kids all the time.  Where’s the outcry?  Moving on.

RON PAUL

I doubt Mike Vick has ever met Ron Paul, but if he did he would probably say that RP is one hip dude.  Here’s a big Happy Birthday Ron Paul!  The wonderful libertarian with no chance of ever winning the American presidency turns 74 today but doesn’t look a day over 71. 

Paul is most often known as the most senior revolutionary in America or just as the guy that wasn’t allowed to debate the big party politicians.  His rejection was mostly due to the fact that both parties are afraid of him on account of how he wants to strip all their illegitimately attained power.  Heck, even Chuck Norris respects Ron Paul so what more can you say.