9 Ways Pitching an Agent is Like Hitting on Someone

I spent last week at a writer’s conference. Or should I say I invested last week. Here’s hoping for a sweet ROI*.

Many conferees emotions ranged as high and low as the Illinois temperatures. One day things heated up and we were gasping for air. Other times featured chilly sidewalk sprints through the rain. Either way you’d be dripping wet. Wait, where was I going with that metaphor?

If I understood science better I would also make an analogy between barometers and pressure here. I’ll pause while you smart folks make that connection.

Agent's view. Note the stalking writer in her habitat, how she readies to pounce.

Oh, the pressure.

If you’ve never attended a writer’s conference you’re missing out. Especially if you’re a fan of neurotic behavior by hundreds of writers whose minds are overloaded with ideas, their hearts with dreams, and their baskets with eggs. Fortunately, most of my aspiring comrades kept their cool. Some folks cracked. Or at least their eggs did.

Networking opportunities abound at these affairs, none more anticipated than those short meetings with literary agents. Some encounters take place in a structured 15 minute format, others happen anywhere you happen to bump into someone with the right color name badge. Stalkers delight really. That reminds me, don’t slide your manuscript under a bathroom stall just because you’ve managed to pin down an agent or editor in that tiny sanctuary. Especially if you’re a guy in the women’s room. Urg. Does a restraining order count as a form rejection?

You might get 30 minutes or only 30 seconds when pitching your idea. Be prepared and professional, and as agent Amanda Luedeke put it, “Keep your weird in check.” Anyone who’s seen me on video knows how I struggle with that last one.

I’m happy to report positive encounters all around for yours truly, but I couldn’t stop one particular thought from goosing my brain all week: Walking up to an agent to sell your ideas and self kind of feels like hitting on someone.

The main difference is that instead of wanting the agent to dance you’d rather they praise your brilliance and request your manuscript. Of course, if they start dancing with you just go with it because that’s gotta be positive. Also, you spill ideas rather than drinks. Uhh, there goes another metaphor through my fingers. Dang these suckers are slippery today!

So in the spirit of all that stuff I just said, look deep into my eyes as I explain…