Does Uncle Sam Want To Put His Hand Down Your Pants?

An eduClaytion special report 😮

The guy had my attention when he told Uncle Sam not to touch his “junk.”  As soon as the John Tyner video went viral Monday, I knew I better get educated because the questions would be coming since I’m supposed to know my stuff.  About government and politics, that is, not junk touching. 

Airport screening has become the dominant issue lately since the Transportation Security Administration (TSA) changed course to allow for aggressive pat downs in addition to the infamous body scanners.  The government groping is already being compared to sexual molestation while scanners have been criticized for providing nude images of passengers and possibly dosing folks with harmful radiation.

Since I’ve already been asked about these happenings a few times, I thought I might quickly lay out what’s happening, what should be happening, and what the Constitution says about it all.

Background

Since the attacks of 9/11, the U.S. government has gradually increased security measures to react to recent plots.  Someone mentioned liquid explosives so we got rid of water bottles.  After the shoe bomber, we had to take off our shoes.  Then it was laptops, then belts, and on it went. 

Then last Christmas some jerk put explosives in his underwear, so now we have to check underwear even though terrorists are always onto the next thing.  The new thing is no doubt going to be explosives hidden in body cavities that won’t be detected by body scanners or feel-ups, but that’s for another day.

The Government’s Plan

Initially, I think the government wanted to invite all of us over for dinner and drinks to seduce us out of our clothes.  Bill Clinton probably would’ve been tapped as the Coaxing Czar.  Unfortunately, not even the Obama administration could afford lobster and cheescake for the 100 million or so air travelers in America each year, so onto plan B.

There are two main types of body scanners going right now.  These machines reveal what’s going on between clothing and skin.  Any foreign objects are visible.  Of course, your private regions are also visible.  This is the part that gets some people angry.  I say some because a CBS News poll shows that only 15% of Americans disapprove of full-body scanners at security checkpoints. 

The images are supposed to be transmitted to a TSA screener in a private viewing area.  That’s the key to eliminating the uncomfortable and personal connection by the way.  According to the TSA, faces are blurred and images can not be saved.  Well, except for those 35,000 images that were saved from 2008, but that’s all been fixed I’m sure.

The Controversy

Under the new guidelines, you must undergo the full-body pat down if you opt out of the scanner.  This experience is being reported more and more as the days roll by with next week’s Thanksgiving travel rush expected to reveal many more accounts.  You’re basically getting a very hands on experience under all clothing complete with more cupping than you’d find in a magic act.  The basic move seems to be sliding but I’ve also heard reports of squeezing and possibly twisting.  Cigarettes are not provided afterwards.