A Night With Female Gymnasts

Like many people, there are many sports in the world that I only watch once every four years. That’s what the Olympics are for. I have no idea where bobsledders and curlers and canoers hang out in between the games. I have a theory that they all live on cyborg island, kind of like misfit island for toys only instead of being things no kids want to play with they are genetically perfect mutants who secrete tanning oil while drinking guava juice. At least that’s what I used to think.

Then I took my niece to gymnastics, or as she calls it, ‘nastics. She’s four. My eyes have been opened to a whole new world. This land is filled with ropes and bars and beams. Best of all, there are kids of all ages flying everywhere like some casting call for the next superhero movie, you know, something like X-Men 9: Children of Wolverine.

The kids are really cute, especially the little ones. I watched one instructor working with a few tiny girls, probably 3-year-olds. This woman had some serious patience as she attempted to teach her group how to hang from still rings. They look just like the ones you see on TV only they hang eight inches off the ground. Just 60 seconds of interaction sounded something like this:

Teacher (we’ll call her Miss Debbie): Okay girls, stand here, grab the rings, hang for ten seconds, put your feet on the ground, and then let go.

The girls blink twice then look somewhere else. One girl considers what’s inside her left nostril.

Miss Debbie: Okay Mary, hold for ten seconds. Susie, what are you doing on that. Missy, don’t pick. Uh-oh Mary, remember you have to put your feet on the ground before you let go. Okay Susie your turn. Missy, where’s your finger? Are we supposed to be on that Mary? WOAH! No, Susie! (calmer now) Let’s all have a seat girls. You can’t run and jump on the rings. They’re called still rings, not running rings. Maybe Miss Debbie told you to run and jump but if she did she was wrong. Missy, don’t wipe that on Susie.

So as you can see from the above interaction, two things become immediately clear.