Keep Your Pants On

Why are so many people taking their pants off in public?  I’m not talking about first-class creepos but rather normal people who for one reason or another need to lose those lower layers.  I’ve been surprised to learn that this trend impacts many parts of our culture from national security to congressional lawmaking (Insert sleezy politician joke here).  During this highly professional investigative process (read: coffee and Google), I’ve even learned that our generational gap may not be as wide as we suspect.

This idea infested my brain after reading one of the funniest headlines ever from my new favorite blogger Girl On The Contrary.  The piece is called That Time The Guy Sitting Next To Me On A Plane Took His Pants Off.  I dare you not to read after a title like that.  The short version comes down to insulin, but that isn’t nearly as interesting.

The problem started with 3" neckties

In a related story, blogger Greg Lindsay recently wrote about Jim Lynch, the man who is just tired of airport security.  His solution?  Take off his pants instead of emptying pockets and so on.  Said Lynch:

 “I got a good laugh from airport security about it—she said she had never seen that before. But it’s not like she told me I wasn’t allowed to take my pants off.”

More power to ya, but I’m not sure I want to see middle America standing pantsless in airports across the country.  Sure, the x-ray machines will pretty much strip you down anyway, but this trend would alter the trauma of airport security in ways I’m not ready to deal with.

Jim Lynch is not an old man, but traditionally it’s been those seniors who are most likely to drop their drawers out of nowhere.  In my experience, these older men just like to show off their battle scars from one surgery or another.  Oftentimes they don’t care who is around and discretion apparently takes too much effort.  I’ve actually seen an elderly man drop his pants to show off a scar to a woman he just met!  Fun times. 

Times weren’t so fun for one elderly man in Chicago last month when the 93-year-old fired shots at paramedics making a well-being check.  According to the story, the man failed to answer after his medical-alarm bracelet went off.  The medics gained entry by removing the air conditioner.  The resident mistook the responders for burglars and fired shots at them!  Fortunately no one was injured as the bullets hit the wall.  The story doesn’t say if the man was wearing pants or not.