Sorry Florida: No Sex With Porcupines

Florida is easy to pick on.  I think a lot of us outside the Sun Belt like to cast aspersions on states with nice weather just like a lot of folks like to ridicule supermodels and athletes to feel better about themselves.  While having some fun with Florida’s python hunting season, I discovered a long list of crazy laws still on the books in the Sunshine State.

Some of these ordinances are more strange than disturbing.  Did you know that in Miami it’s illegal for a man to wear any type of strapless gown?  How about the Tampa Bay restriction that forbids eating cottage cheese after 6 p.m. on Sundays?  Hard to believe isn’t it?  Women can also get fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer.  The salon owner gets in trouble too.

Perhaps the most inexplicable law of all is the prohibition of having sexual relations with a porcupine.  I would love to know the true life events that led a lawmaker to feel the necessity to ban human-porcupine intercourse.  Now, I am no big fan of far-reaching government controls, but I do happen to think that avoiding this type of behavior is a good idea.

Sometimes these rules are just misinterpreted.  For example, some college spring breakers may totally misunderstand a Sarasota mandate that you may not catch crabs.  This one’s about shellfish gang.

***

To be fair, Florida isn’t the only state with super bizarro laws.  You can find ridiculous rules just about everywhere.

Alabama has a decent collection of crazy rules.  I know, shocking right?  Although incestuous marriages are permitted, bear wrestling matches  and spitting in front of the opposite sex are not.  That basically means you can marry your sister, just don’t spit in front of her.  Also, when in Alabama be sure to never wear a fake moustache that causes laughter in church, and under no circumstances are you to have an ice cream cone in your back pocket.  Laugh if you want, but I think that’s good advice for ice cream lovers everywhere.

You can find some great laws on the other side of the country as well.  In California, for example, it’s illegal to shoot at animals from a moving vehicle unless the target is a whale.  I would love to hear the discussion that led to that one.  Like we have such a whale-overcrowding issue.  Did the men sitting around the table agree to the first part until they thought, “You know, that’s a good law but what if one of us finally gets a clean shot at a whale while driving down the coast?”

You can find more of these from all across our fruited plain.  Indiana has its fair share, but I do think they are really handcuffing the service industry by outlawing barbers from threatening to cut off kid’s ears.  How else are you supposed to get them to sit still?

You can go on like this for a while.  I don’t even want to mess with Texas.  Some of you shouldn’t be judgmental here though.  I’m looking at you Illinois.