Summit Madness

We are off and rolling here in Pittsburgh, The City of Champions and unlikely host to the international conference that is your G-20 Summit.  Well, get in the fast lane grandma cause the bingo game is ready to roll, and the real story of this event has begun to unfold.  We’re talking about the protestors, those crazy cats so popular among the young and rebellious, so annoying to everyone else with jobs.   

Some environmentalists got things started today.  A few members of Green Peace decided to unfurl a massive sign over the side of the West End Bridge.  Four of the Greenies then repelled to the base of the sign to hang out for a while, grab a lot of early attention, and generally warn us all that nature is doomed and we’re the doomers.  Hey don’t blame me GP, I sometimes prefer paper over plastic after driving my SUV to a food conglomerate retail center to buy chemically enhanced meat.

Something tells me we’re just getting started.  Many world leaders are arriving as I type, streets are being shut down, and college campuses and office buildings are being taken over as staging grounds for the heaviest presence of law enforcement this town has ever seen.  And wait until Joan Jett and the Black Hearts play an outdoor concert tonight. 

Rumor has it that other cities turned down the “opportunity” to host this event.  I can’t imagine Obama offered the Summit to anyone before giving Chicago a chance.  I guess other major metropolis types didn’t want the headache.  This town just doesn’t know any better.  Now the eyes of the world are upon us.  Pittsburghers are a nutty bunch, but they may have met their match.

We have a beautiful city here, the only one ever named most livable twice.  International reporters already in town have commended their hosts  and the beauty of the city.  That last one may be a little unexpected, but you’d be hard-pressed to find a better entrance into a major American city than the panorama unfolding as you emerge from the Fort Pitt Tunnels.

Speaking of those tunnels, police foiled another protestor plot down there a little while ago.  From the looks of things, these folks were gunnin’ to make something happen on that mountain.  Maybe they wanted to emerge ala Moses, a righteous leader descending into a land of sinners, a spectacle of lust and greed that is corporate capitalism and modern politics.

Villains of this ilk hide behind their sparkling facades adorned with logos of the damned, names like GAP and APPLE.  Don’t believe me?  Hop on over to Shadyside, a ritzy little town as “enlightened” as it gets, a cozy spot where you can sip $6 lattes while sporting the latest in eyewear frames.  Along the posh streets of Shadyside, business owners are directing contractors in last minute preparations for the aggression that is to come.  Apparently there is a list, a target sheet if you will, of those major conglomerates so happy to destroy the earth while defecating on the poor.